well i hope that i don't fall in love with you.

so i'm in london, just for a few nights. i've been working the past two nights, but tonight, i wasn't doing much. i could've called friends i know who live here, or gone out with some people from training, but i really just wanted to relax. i feel kind of bad, i'm all the way in london and all i wanted to do was go for a run and fall asleep. so thats what i did, and it felt really good. but after about 11pm, when i had slept for a few hours and ran a few miles, i decided to go for a walk.

it's a friday night, and im in london. i find it strange that i'm not more compelled to go out, hit the pubs, etc etc. i guess traveling so much lately, has kind of really made me tired of the superficial meeting people in bars for a night, having fun and somewhat meaningless conversation, and never seeing them again. obviously meeting new people expands your awareness, makes things interesting, is exciting and all that stuff. but i've been meeting people on and off for a while now, and its great learning personalities from all over, but now im looking more for something a bit stronger i guess. and sometimes, that strength is satisfied more by spending time alone, figuring out yourself, then by meeting as many people as you can in one night.

so anyway, all of that aside, after i finished my run, i decided, what the heck, i'm in london, let me at least go have a pint of something. so i started to wander. after quite a long walk, i came across a bar that was playing really good music and looked relatively crowded. i wanted to go in, but i was nervous, i was by myself, and thats just a bit weird. but then i walked back, why not. so i went to the bar by myself and ordered a pint.

i started talking to the bartender, i asked him what beer was the most british, and what he recommended. he ended up buying me his favorite. he said - if i was only here for a night, he better take care of me. the beer was actually really good and we chatted for a bit. he had a really sincere smile, that just made me feel really happy. but i still felt kind of odd being there alone, so after i finished my beer, i began to head out. i couldn't help but smile at him as i left - he was very nice, and in the 10 minutes we chatted, i felt like i would have liked to stay much longer. but i left, and we smiled, and that was that.

there are so many people out there to meet and so many things to discover. everywhere i go i feel like i want to experience a place more, stay longer. sometimes i'm afraid i'll never be ultimately happy because of the urge to keep exploring. and normally i'm a sucker for 'lost opportunities', but i'm learning that sometimes leaving things simple, with a sleep, a run and smile is just as nice as anything else.

human as to human.

i'm going to write about this more, because it hasn't happened in a while, and i'm not sure how long it will last (fingers crossed). but, i really really like my job right now. i'm in london at the moment, taking a training class about working with NGOs in developing countries. today i basically had a breif global history of the past 200 years, clumped into about 4 hours. everything from the slave trade, to colonialism to the WWs to globalization to iraq was discussed. and i emphasize discussed, it wasn't 'taught', it was discussed. there were about 7 of us in the class and not a single ppt slide...seriously, no ppt, crazy.

so after some talk about how we got to where we are in the world, who was involved, and who was affected, we did some role play. we each played a different country in the 'trading game'. we then talked about the meaning of development, and what disadvantaged really meant - economical, political, social. who is the judge of 'disadvantaged' really. it was interesting to realize how complicated and how vast the problems in this world actually are and what the impact of change would actually be. as we obviously know, from everything that's happening today, it's not always good to impose change, even if it seems "right" at the time; the repercussions of one solution may cause massive, and not always positive, effects in the long run. this seems obvious, as everyone has different beliefs, cultures and ideas of what is good. but it makes it very difficult to figure out solutions for things that are in critical need. and the economics of it all are just as, or eve more, complicated.

basically, i got about 4 hours of sleep last night and am incredibly jet-lagged, but after 9 hours of training, i logged on to hold a conference call with some clients, and am now doing more work, and after that will hopefully get to the bookstore before it closes so i can buy some books on the subject (in particular i'm thinking of Confessions of an Economic Hitman, and some others...anyone have recommendations?) i just haven't been this enthused about work, in a long time. i met a girl in my class, who read The World Is Flat and the premise made her so mad, that she got a grant to write a book counteracting it. she's from NY, but now she's getting her MBA in London and says an international MBA program is amazing bc you get the chance to meet people from all over the world with incredible backgrounds and stories. i thought that sounded like an interesting possibility...

i feel like a bit of a dork, but i can't help it. there is endless opportunity to solve the most real and most difficult problems facing todays world. things that many people can't imagine are happening everywhere on a massively destructive scale. it's incredibly complicated, and when aware, it's hard to turn away.

work a little harder, work another way.

it's almost midnight. i just sent off a presentation for an 8am meeting tomorrow. i've been working since 8am this morning, and was working till about 11pm the night before. the beginning of this project was nice. lots of free time, hikes after work, good stuff. now it's getting more intense. but honestly, i actually like what i'm doing right now, which hasn't happened in a while. it's really pretty interesting, the whole experience is interesting.

right now we're making some key strategic decisions about where World Vision wants to take their organization. their whole thought process is unlike any other company i've ever been involved with. we start and end each meeting with a prayer of thanks, for the day, for bringing us together, asking for the strength to make the right decisions to help as many people as possible. it's unlike anything i've been a part of before, but it's kind of refreshing. sometimes, most times, decisions are hard to make, but everyone's on the same team. there's no hidden motives and although some may have varying opinions of what the final goal is, everyone just wants what is ultimately best for poor people around the world.

so i've worked about 16 hours today, and can't charge in any overtime, and am actually making half of what i would normally be making on any other project. but the whole day went by pretty quickly. the conversations where interesting, the mentality is interesting and we're all working toward something that is real, a problem that is real and we could potentially have a huge impact on. the examples they use to demonstrate their cases are just so extreme but so real, it's eye opening. discussing locations like botswana vs. ethiopia or vietnam vs. bangkok, i would have never thought to consider the things that have to be taken into account. i spent an hour at about 9pm tonight listening to someone explain how they had a life changing experience that led them to want to do more with their life, and how something like business can be used to do so much more than what we would normal expect. there were a lot of religious undertones in the whole thing, but overall it was pretty inspiring. it's just that you would never normally hear business people stay in the office until 9pm just to talk about how passionate they feel about helping people in need around the world. here you do.

it's about time to go to bed. it puts things in perspective though. we have so much to enjoy and so much to offer, it's easy to forget and take advantage of our luxuries, but it's true. there's also so much we don't know, because we don't have to, but if we listen, there's a lot to learn.

young folks.

i've been in l.a. for almost two weeks now. i thought africa would be hard - i can't wait to go to africa. kidding, kind of. it's not that bad. it is a kind of weird scene though, basically i miss ny. i went up to san fran last week though. i love sf. i think i'm going to move there when i get done w/ ADP. it has an awesome mix of nature, hiking, beaches, biking, and cool outdoor stuff, while still maintaining an interesting people, fun, city vibe. i like it a lot. i visited my little sister up there last week. we had such a good time. im glad all her roomates are so chill, bc i basically live in their living room every other weekend. but they're really fun, and since my little sister likes to pass out extremely early, i end up just watching dane cook and the office with them all night.
me and my little sister, so glad she's in CA...
so, luckily i made a good friend out here in l.a. his name is broc. he's awesome, and basically a savior while i'm here, otherwise there really wouldn't be much to do. we went hiking to some nearby mountains the other day. it was absolutely gorgeous. we drove up a long windy road and then hiked for 2 miles down into the woods. finally we made it to these big rocks where ropes were tied and we had to propel down the rocks to get to this lagoon with a waterfall. it was kind of scary, but in a fun way, and the lagoon was gorgeous. unfortunately the water was absolutely freezing, so i didn't go in, but broc jumped right in, although his skin was ice cold for basically an hour afterwards.
broc making poses in the lagoon...then we hiked back, but by the time we left the lagoon it was past 8pm. so basically we were hiking through the woods in the pitch black, not really knowing where we were going at all. also, i just randomly met this kid a few days ago bc i needed a ride to the gym and i saw him in the parking lot w/ gym clothes on and asked him for a ride. basically, if anyone else was in my position, they would probably be worried hiking in the middle of the woods in the dark with a random dude. luckily (i guess) i don't worry about that stuff very often. we ended up making our way back, in the pitch black forest and it was a pretty fun adventure.
broc and me...
my sister came to visit l.a. last weekend. that was also awesome and it was so good to have her out here. we went out friday night into pasadena, after spending way too much on a sushi dinner in beverly hills. pasadena was a bit weird. again, i miss ny. it was fun, i guess. but the scene kind of just, um, completely sketched my sister and i out. we kept walking in and out of bars trying to find a chill place to just sit and have a beer. that didn't work, as every place we walked into made us feel kind of creepy inside. as we walked through the town, a group of guys stopped us and asked if we knew a good place to go. obviously, we had no idea, so we all just tried the next thing we saw. it ended up being super ghetto, but the bunch of us just sat in a corner so it was ok. we hung out w/ them for a while and they ended up being pretty cool. the next day all of us went to the beach. it was cool, the beach was really nice, but by the time we got there it was kind of chilly.
the next night we went out in pasadena again, bc i dont really think there's anywhere else to go out around here. we were standing at the bar when someone used a pick up line so embarrassing that he immediately fled the scene after saying it. later, he came back to talk. we ended up talking to him and his friends, made fun of them for the pick up line, and made a few more friends in pasadena. the next day my sister and i thought it necessary to introduce broc to chipotle, which i probably eat once a day out here, bc he had never heard of it. then i drove annie to the airport, very sad to say goodbye.

so i'm getting to know some people out here which is cool. honestly the weather is awesome. although, hopefully i'll be traveling abroad soon enough. i found a few people who are into soccer, so i'll try and get a game going tomorrow which should be fun.

i go back to NY on friday for a while. i can not wait. anyone reading this from ny, i hope to see you soon :-)

my sweetest downfall.

i'm in souther california now. i've been here for about a week. i'm working at world vision headquarters. it's an interesting experience working for a company like world vision - very different than the clients i'm used to being with. firstly it's non-profit, and secondly it's christian based. we had a church service in the middle of the day last wednesday. it may sound strange, and i'm not very religious, but it was actually a really nice thing. everyone there is just extremely nice, and relaxed, and caring - it's a great change of environment.

as my work abroad hasn't kicked in yet - i'm going to indulge in at least one more, more personal post - let my hopeless romantic tendencies seep through this blog just a little bit more. the spot where i'm located right now, happens to be very strangely close to someone who i used to be very very close with. we don't see each other much, anymore. i was going to move out here once, a long time ago. but that was a long time ago. since then, we've stopped talking for a while. needless to say being back here, is difficult. i saw him for the first time tonight. and it was, how it always is, painfully wonderful.

it's sad when something beautiful fades with age. but it's painful when something aged, remains beautiful, and still gets lost along the way. and there's nothing we can really do, except learn to let it go.

inside you, the time moves.

for my last weekend on the east coast, i went down to Virginia for a good friends wedding. this was the first wedding of any of my friends that i've ever been to. needless to say, it was a bit emotional. in my mind, there were two themes that rang strong throughout the weekend...first, obviously, was love. the second, and less obvious, was loss.

after a busy friday night of seeing friends, packing all my stuff, carrying it down 5 flights of stairs, and going out until 3:30 am, i woke up and drove down to VA at 5:30am. most people didn't understand why i did this, instead of fly. but put simply, i like to drive. i've had a lot on my mind recently. moving out, coming in and out of town, staying out much later than physically healthy, seeing lots of people, and "enjoying" my last few weeks in new york. what i haven't had time to do is soak anything in, reflect, and just think about things. so, i drove. i made a few cds of my favorite emotionally provoking songs, spent 6 hours in my car, sung at the top of my lungs, thought about what's happening in my life right now, and allowed myself the time to feel things - something i realized, i had kind of been procrastinating. it was worth the drive.

the wedding was a mini college reunion. our group of friends in college was not large, but we were like a family. the couple who got married are two of the greatest people i know. everything about the two of them, and the two of them together, is awesome. seeing them in the middle of the park they grew up in, unable to wipe the smiles off their faces as they repeated their vows hand in hand, was a tangible and pure snapshot of true love. i couldn't help but cry for my friends, who a few years ago i was having liquid fights (see 'before' photo below.) and wrestling matches with on the floor of the nasty but amazing college house, 710.

Before: One of our last nights together before graduation.

After: (Most of us) at the wedding...growing up :-/

I cried twice at the wedding. First at the aforementioned vows, and secondly at the reception when they got up for their first dance.The whole reception was watching them slow dance, it was definitely kind of awkward. But seeing them look at each other, unable to stop smiling, making each other laugh with the hint of a look, even with everyone's eyes awkwardly observing them, you could tell, they weren't just in love, they were best friends. it didn't have to be romantic, it didn't have to be perfect. they would wisper, and break out into laughter, and then hold closer, and more laughter. they knew what one another was thinking, they shared the same thought, they got the same joke, and if their eyes were locked, nothing else needed to be said. it's rare to find a connection that strong with someone. to know someone so well, to have a true love, and a best friend.

after the first dance and a few (many) glasses of wine, the rest of us jumped up and joined in. it was so nice to hang out with everyone again. there are only a few people that i can come back to at any point in my life and just feel relief. i see these guys once a year, maybe. but feel more at home with them, then most people i know. i spent all of my time with these guys at a point when i was just figuring out who i wanted to become, developing thoughts and opinions on everything. growing together, you essentially become a part of one another - sharing something that is so core to your self, that it's hard to lose.

i said there were two themes to the weekend. we touched on love, and the second was loss. i can explain the loss part best by relating it to "negative space" (this may sound dorky, but bear with me). so, the surprising and extremely powerful effect on something if a piece of it isn't there, or is left blank. example. you have 99% of an amazing puzzle done. it's beautiful and perfect, except theres one tiny piece missing in the center. your eye will just focus on that empty spot, just that one little piece missing has a huge effect on your impression of the puzzle as a whole.. it just won't 't look right, no matter how nice the puzzle is.

the wedding was perfect, but a center piece was missing. and for all the love and beauty i was lucky enough to witness, there was an equal and opposite sense of sadness, and longing. like i said, it's hard to find a true best friend, but it's equally hard to lose one.

i should sleep. tomorrow i leave for CA. i haven't packed yet. i don't really actually know how to pack for 6 months in africa come to think of it. so, g'night for now...

ps - i promise i will start writing more about travel things, as soon as i start to travel. but for now, i can't help but write about things that run a bit deeper.