to new beginnings.

Have you had enough excitement now…more than you ever did?

2009-05-28T02:50:00.000-07:00

About a year ago I was avidly reading the IBD (International Business Development) blog from Haas written by business school students working on projects in developing countries. I’ve just arrived in Gabon, Africa a few days ago, and up until about an hour ago, sans luggage. Last year I spent some time in Eastern and South Africa for a project. I had heard that Gabon was a relatively rich country, rich in oil with a relatively high GDP for the region. I have never been to central or west Africa, and had no idea how critical the ‘relative’ was in those statements.

Gabon seems very different then what I expected. There is very little infrastructure. In Libreville, the largest city, the roads are poor, the buildings are old and the amenities are minimal. My team of 4, are staying in a house with about 12 other people, 3 bathrooms and many mosquito nets. The water turns off at 9pm and the bathroom sinks rarely have running water during the day. The temperature is in the 90’s and with the humidity at 95%, it feels like 105. This is especially bad inside, where we work, without air conditioning, making it feel more like 115. Without any luggage for three days straight, working full time in this heat was more than difficult.

Nonetheless the project we’re working on is super exciting, and this is exactly the kind of experience I’ve been wanting. Gabon has one of the most beautiful coastlines in the world. We’re building a strategy for a sustainable partnership between the hydrocarbon industry (oil and gas companies) and local conservation societies to protect the Gabonese coast. In the past, Gabon’s economy has almost completely relied on their natural resources – oil. However, the increasing presence of these companies along the coast is slowing destroying the otherwise untouched, beautiful and unique ecosystem. There are four of us, all students, working on this together for the next three weeks. My team is incredible and we all complement each other really well, each with our own style, but all working well and having fun at the same time.

Meeting people who have been working here for years, I am full of respect, admiration and awe. I honestly don’t know if I could maintain this lifestyle, hopping in and out of countries, not having the little luxuries, which are no longer luxuries to us but givens –toilet seats, running water, hot showers, personal space. On the other hand, their lives are so rich in experience, so culturally exposed, so grateful for the simple pleasures and so indifferent to life’s minor hurdles.

It’s hard to see a country with such resources still struggling. There concept of customer service is lost. Few businesses besides oil are present. In such a beautiful and resource rich country why has so little progress been made? Many people I’ve spoken to say it’s because they were able to rely on oil for so long that there was no need for industry to develop. Gabon is extremely expensive. Due to lack of local industry, almost everything, including food, is imported, leading to very high prices. But in many ways, although it seems under-developed to us, there are many accomplishments. The country is extremely safe, and although surrounded by warring countries, has managed to maintain a significant level of stability. The children are educated and the people seem happy. It’s eye opening to see parts of the world that we rarely think about. It’s a stark realization of how different things are in this world, how uneven things are often distributed; it puts many things in our own lives into perspective.

monkey see, monkey do.

2007-12-12T12:11:00.000-08:00

Today was a pretty awesome day. Probably one of the cooler outdoor days I’ve had. Tal and I took a ride out to a lake a few hours west of Nairobi. We rented bikes at a nearby camp and rode through town towards the nearby game park. The town was pretty remote, being a few hours from the city, but also fairly populated. As we rode the 5k through the town, little kids ran to the street and started waving and chanting “how-are-you-how-are-you”. It was pretty cute, but also slightly uncomfortable.

We got to the park and rode in. The game park was set up so that you could see wild life while riding your bike all through the park. We started on the first trail we saw that said 14k, we figured that was a good distance. The trail was awesome, up and down hills, through the mountains. We saw zebra, antelopes, wildebeests, and some other things. Plus, there was no one else around at all, we didn’t run into a single other person, it was pretty cool. Unfortunately the terrain was made of a mix of sand and rocks, which made it pretty hard to bike around, but it was still pretty fun.

After finishing that 14k trail, we realized we had taken the wrong one. It was actually another 7k to the real attraction of the park. So we biked another 7k deeper into the terrain. Once we made it to the center, we were told that in order to see the waterfalls and all the other cool stuff you have to hike an hour down into the rocks. So we did. What we didn’t realize though, was that it was an hour hike, each way. By this time we had no food, had already bide over 20k through sand and were running low on water. Still, hiking through the rocks and waterfalls was pretty amazing. The water was steaming hot, because we were in complete desert, so it was pretty cool.

Once we started hiking we saw a lot more people (apparently people usually just drive to the hike). The rocks were pretty tricky to climb through, and at one point we ran into a family who had a daughter with them trying to climb through these rocks in high heels! Who does that? I cant even wear high heels out at night, let alone rock climb with them! Poor girls, I wish they didn’t feel the need to always dress up so much, they should just let themselves have fun. Anyway, minutes after we ran into them, her heel broke and they turned back.

It was starting to get late so we headed back up after an hour of climbing downwards. We made it to the top again an hour later and it was time to bike 7k back to the park entrance and then another 5k back through the town. I was starving, and thirsty and it was soo hot, but we were almost there, kind of. We started riding and someone yells out at me that I have a flat. We tried to get it fixed but nothing would work. So Tal took the bike and we rode 13k back to our starting point. I was very very grateful Tal took the bike at that point; riding in the sand is not fun, riding a flat in the sand is almost impossible.

It was a super tiring day, about 8 hours of non stop biking and hiking. But it was amazing. We were riding right up to zebra and all these animals; we had to stop in our tracks sometime to let them pass. It was kind of scary actually. The scenery was amazing also. A volcanic mountain in the backdrop, these amazing rocks and gorgeous clouds with blue skies, it was awesome. And so free feeling just riding around in nature like that, it was hard but truly a great day.

if dreams were thunder.

2007-11-28T11:39:00.000-08:00

today was an eye opening and heart wrenching day. probably the single most significant day of work i've ever had. its insane what drastically different worlds people are living in on this planet. we hear 'poor' but it's hard to understand what that really means. people shouldn't have to live under the conditions that they do, when so many people people have such a drastically different life. the amount of money the average new yorker spends on rent in one month could change a childs life forever. yes i feel like an infomercial saying that, but its actually true how little money is actually required at the source to make huge differences. without any kind of health care or nutrition, without access to any education, and emerged in a violent and dangerous society, how can we expect anything other than extreme poverty. today we visited children in remote villages who have been through horrible horrible experiences. we interviewed these children for the filming of a documentary on human rights.

we first visited an all girls school in a very remote village in africa. admittedly, it was uncomfortable at first. tal and i were clearly the only white people on the grounds. all eyes turned to our crowd as we walked through. we were introduced to a young girl who had been through a horrific situation. but she had a bright smile that didnt really leave her face, she giggled over most things, hiding her face with her hands as she laughed. she was shy, but seemed happy. she was a small girl in age and size. and i couldnt help but think how strong she must be inside, to go through all of this still smiling. we met another girl who had also been through a traumatic experience just recently. she was so friendly and so eager to meet people. at the end, she asked to exchanged mobile numbers with us, she also, always with a smile.
you think about your life and what we worry about. obviously everything is relative. but that's why perspective is so important. and it's so easily lost when we continue through life as we know it, and only as we know it. i get stressed about work. work seems meaningless in light of all the other things that i have. and i can't even fathom the challenges, emotionally and physically that so many little kids, have to face every day. nothing in my life even comes close to that. and i do realize im speaking in cliches right now, but i cant help it.

after the school we went further into the town. we picked up an old man on the street in our car and drove him to his hut. there we met his family and heard their story. there were about 11 kids running around the field when we got there. the looks on their faces when they saw us, tal and i, were shocked, confused, even scared sometimes. excited other times. it helped when we smiled. smiling is universal, its comforting. walking to the hut, with 11 kids running all around us, i tripped on a branch. i laughed to myself and looking around, saw a few little boys behind me laughing too. i smiled at them and shook my head in embarrassment and they all started giggling. its nice to know, that no matter how different people seem, they can still share moments and laugh together, even if it is at my expense.

i dont want to get into the details of what each family has been through. but we continued the day visiting victims of tragedies. we are very lucky. and many people, many children, are very unlucky, in a very very bad way. it's frustrating to think about how to make an impact on such an enormous problem. and sad to think that just miles away people are living in conditions that most of us would never even imagine.

sweet thing.

2007-11-16T15:38:00.001-08:00

It finally came. Today was my last day in LA. Six months ago, I never would have thought I’d have given up my east village apt to spend five and a half months in Monrovia, a tiny suburb of Los Angeles, lined with fast food chains and highways. It was a rough situation at first, for many reasons. For a long time all I could think about was getting out of my situation and ‘going abroad’, the deal I was promised. I think it was at the point when I finally allowed myself to realize that I would be spending most of my time in CA, that I also allowed myself to accept what the experience, in itself, had to offer.

With all said and done, in complete and all honesty, I don’t think I would have asked for anything to turn out differently. The past six months wasn’t exactly what I signed up for, but it’s led to more things than I could have expected. Sometimes things have a funny way of working out.

So bye bye LA, it's been fun. Africa, I'll see you tomorrow. And San Francisco, can't wait to see you when I get back.

cause what would we be, without wishful thinking.

2007-08-27T22:06:00.000-07:00

sometimes, the greatest things are the simple things. this past weekend i drove up the coast on highway one. i was visiting some friends in SF. i couldnt really find anyone to go with, but i really didn't mind going by myself, despite people's shock that i actually enjoyed doing the coastline on my own, it was pretty perfect. the views were basically amazing, around every turn it just got better and better for hours. i stopped a few times to take some photos and hike around. i got myself a big sandwich at a little market in the big sur and hiked through one of the state parks down to the shore. i found a perfect seat on a pile of enormous logs, watched the ocean, the sky was bright blue, and just kind of enjoyed. it seemed like there was nothing but beauty around for miles, and life seemed pretty perfect. in my car, blue sky, oceans on my left, mountains on my right, my favorite music playing, singing as loud as i could, it just made me smile.

i really like listening to music. and i dont mean just having music played. i like turning it loud and listening to every single line of a good song. hearing it, feeling it. it brings out feelings that on a day to day basis just get pushed deeper and ignored, when in my opinion, they're one of the most important things to realize. so i drove, and i listened, and i sang, and i watched, and i had an amazing time, on highway one.

the rest of the weekend was equally as perfect. it's really nice to be in the company of good friends. people that you actually truly like and care about, and there's no pretending involved. it's also equally nice to meet new people that you also truly like as people, and may also one day, be good friends. my weekend was mixed with both, and it felt really nice. and you never really know if the new things will turn into true things, but that's ok. it's a refreshing reminder that there are a lot of good people out there. it keeps you hoping, it keeps you smiling, and it keeps you wishing.

i like san francisco, a lot. there's a very apparent difference between SF and LA that you can feel creeping in from the moment you move north. i'll expand later. still no movement out of the states, as you can tell. but im trying to make the best of it, and do a bit of exploring out here on the west coast...

dancin' out on 7th street.

2007-07-05T19:01:00.000-07:00

i'm back in new york for the week. most amazing fourth of july party ever. the photo was on the front page of the ny times. there was a kiddie pool.

so tired, will elaborate soon :)

oh. PLEASE SEND ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER - i broke my phone. thanks!

party - if you look close, im right under the "i" - wearing a black dress

well i hope that i don't fall in love with you.

2007-06-29T16:14:00.000-07:00

so i'm in london, just for a few nights. i've been working the past two nights, but tonight, i wasn't doing much. i could've called friends i know who live here, or gone out with some people from training, but i really just wanted to relax. i feel kind of bad, i'm all the way in london and all i wanted to do was go for a run and fall asleep. so thats what i did, and it felt really good. but after about 11pm, when i had slept for a few hours and ran a few miles, i decided to go for a walk.

it's a friday night, and im in london. i find it strange that i'm not more compelled to go out, hit the pubs, etc etc. i guess traveling so much lately, has kind of really made me tired of the superficial meeting people in bars for a night, having fun and somewhat meaningless conversation, and never seeing them again. obviously meeting new people expands your awareness, makes things interesting, is exciting and all that stuff. but i've been meeting people on and off for a while now, and its great learning personalities from all over, but now im looking more for something a bit stronger i guess. and sometimes, that strength is satisfied more by spending time alone, figuring out yourself, then by meeting as many people as you can in one night.

so anyway, all of that aside, after i finished my run, i decided, what the heck, i'm in london, let me at least go have a pint of something. so i started to wander. after quite a long walk, i came across a bar that was playing really good music and looked relatively crowded. i wanted to go in, but i was nervous, i was by myself, and thats just a bit weird. but then i walked back, why not. so i went to the bar by myself and ordered a pint.

i started talking to the bartender, i asked him what beer was the most british, and what he recommended. he ended up buying me his favorite. he said - if i was only here for a night, he better take care of me. the beer was actually really good and we chatted for a bit. he had a really sincere smile, that just made me feel really happy. but i still felt kind of odd being there alone, so after i finished my beer, i began to head out. i couldn't help but smile at him as i left - he was very nice, and in the 10 minutes we chatted, i felt like i would have liked to stay much longer. but i left, and we smiled, and that was that.

there are so many people out there to meet and so many things to discover. everywhere i go i feel like i want to experience a place more, stay longer. sometimes i'm afraid i'll never be ultimately happy because of the urge to keep exploring. and normally i'm a sucker for 'lost opportunities', but i'm learning that sometimes leaving things simple, with a sleep, a run and smile is just as nice as anything else.

human as to human.

2007-06-28T10:38:00.000-07:00

i'm going to write about this more, because it hasn't happened in a while, and i'm not sure how long it will last (fingers crossed). but, i really really like my job right now. i'm in london at the moment, taking a training class about working with NGOs in developing countries. today i basically had a breif global history of the past 200 years, clumped into about 4 hours. everything from the slave trade, to colonialism to the WWs to globalization to iraq was discussed. and i emphasize discussed, it wasn't 'taught', it was discussed. there were about 7 of us in the class and not a single ppt slide...seriously, no ppt, crazy.

so after some talk about how we got to where we are in the world, who was involved, and who was affected, we did some role play. we each played a different country in the 'trading game'. we then talked about the meaning of development, and what disadvantaged really meant - economical, political, social. who is the judge of 'disadvantaged' really. it was interesting to realize how complicated and how vast the problems in this world actually are and what the impact of change would actually be. as we obviously know, from everything that's happening today, it's not always good to impose change, even if it seems "right" at the time; the repercussions of one solution may cause massive, and not always positive, effects in the long run. this seems obvious, as everyone has different beliefs, cultures and ideas of what is good. but it makes it very difficult to figure out solutions for things that are in critical need. and the economics of it all are just as, or eve more, complicated.

basically, i got about 4 hours of sleep last night and am incredibly jet-lagged, but after 9 hours of training, i logged on to hold a conference call with some clients, and am now doing more work, and after that will hopefully get to the bookstore before it closes so i can buy some books on the subject (in particular i'm thinking of Confessions of an Economic Hitman, and some others...anyone have recommendations?) i just haven't been this enthused about work, in a long time. i met a girl in my class, who read The World Is Flat and the premise made her so mad, that she got a grant to write a book counteracting it. she's from NY, but now she's getting her MBA in London and says an international MBA program is amazing bc you get the chance to meet people from all over the world with incredible backgrounds and stories. i thought that sounded like an interesting possibility...

i feel like a bit of a dork, but i can't help it. there is endless opportunity to solve the most real and most difficult problems facing todays world. things that many people can't imagine are happening everywhere on a massively destructive scale. it's incredibly complicated, and when aware, it's hard to turn away.

work a little harder, work another way.

2007-06-21T00:08:00.002-07:00

it's almost midnight. i just sent off a presentation for an 8am meeting tomorrow. i've been working since 8am this morning, and was working till about 11pm the night before. the beginning of this project was nice. lots of free time, hikes after work, good stuff. now it's getting more intense. but honestly, i actually like what i'm doing right now, which hasn't happened in a while. it's really pretty interesting, the whole experience is interesting.

right now we're making some key strategic decisions about where World Vision wants to take their organization. their whole thought process is unlike any other company i've ever been involved with. we start and end each meeting with a prayer of thanks, for the day, for bringing us together, asking for the strength to make the right decisions to help as many people as possible. it's unlike anything i've been a part of before, but it's kind of refreshing. sometimes, most times, decisions are hard to make, but everyone's on the same team. there's no hidden motives and although some may have varying opinions of what the final goal is, everyone just wants what is ultimately best for poor people around the world.

so i've worked about 16 hours today, and can't charge in any overtime, and am actually making half of what i would normally be making on any other project. but the whole day went by pretty quickly. the conversations where interesting, the mentality is interesting and we're all working toward something that is real, a problem that is real and we could potentially have a huge impact on. the examples they use to demonstrate their cases are just so extreme but so real, it's eye opening. discussing locations like botswana vs. ethiopia or vietnam vs. bangkok, i would have never thought to consider the things that have to be taken into account. i spent an hour at about 9pm tonight listening to someone explain how they had a life changing experience that led them to want to do more with their life, and how something like business can be used to do so much more than what we would normal expect. there were a lot of religious undertones in the whole thing, but overall it was pretty inspiring. it's just that you would never normally hear business people stay in the office until 9pm just to talk about how passionate they feel about helping people in need around the world. here you do.

it's about time to go to bed. it puts things in perspective though. we have so much to enjoy and so much to offer, it's easy to forget and take advantage of our luxuries, but it's true. there's also so much we don't know, because we don't have to, but if we listen, there's a lot to learn.

young folks.

2007-06-18T23:18:00.000-07:00

i've been in l.a. for almost two weeks now. i thought africa would be hard - i can't wait to go to africa. kidding, kind of. it's not that bad. it is a kind of weird scene though, basically i miss ny. i went up to san fran last week though. i love sf. i think i'm going to move there when i get done w/ ADP. it has an awesome mix of nature, hiking, beaches, biking, and cool outdoor stuff, while still maintaining an interesting people, fun, city vibe. i like it a lot. i visited my little sister up there last week. we had such a good time. im glad all her roomates are so chill, bc i basically live in their living room every other weekend. but they're really fun, and since my little sister likes to pass out extremely early, i end up just watching dane cook and the office with them all night.
me and my little sister, so glad she's in CA...
so, luckily i made a good friend out here in l.a. his name is broc. he's awesome, and basically a savior while i'm here, otherwise there really wouldn't be much to do. we went hiking to some nearby mountains the other day. it was absolutely gorgeous. we drove up a long windy road and then hiked for 2 miles down into the woods. finally we made it to these big rocks where ropes were tied and we had to propel down the rocks to get to this lagoon with a waterfall. it was kind of scary, but in a fun way, and the lagoon was gorgeous. unfortunately the water was absolutely freezing, so i didn't go in, but broc jumped right in, although his skin was ice cold for basically an hour afterwards.
broc making poses in the lagoon...then we hiked back, but by the time we left the lagoon it was past 8pm. so basically we were hiking through the woods in the pitch black, not really knowing where we were going at all. also, i just randomly met this kid a few days ago bc i needed a ride to the gym and i saw him in the parking lot w/ gym clothes on and asked him for a ride. basically, if anyone else was in my position, they would probably be worried hiking in the middle of the woods in the dark with a random dude. luckily (i guess) i don't worry about that stuff very often. we ended up making our way back, in the pitch black forest and it was a pretty fun adventure.
broc and me...
my sister came to visit l.a. last weekend. that was also awesome and it was so good to have her out here. we went out friday night into pasadena, after spending way too much on a sushi dinner in beverly hills. pasadena was a bit weird. again, i miss ny. it was fun, i guess. but the scene kind of just, um, completely sketched my sister and i out. we kept walking in and out of bars trying to find a chill place to just sit and have a beer. that didn't work, as every place we walked into made us feel kind of creepy inside. as we walked through the town, a group of guys stopped us and asked if we knew a good place to go. obviously, we had no idea, so we all just tried the next thing we saw. it ended up being super ghetto, but the bunch of us just sat in a corner so it was ok. we hung out w/ them for a while and they ended up being pretty cool. the next day all of us went to the beach. it was cool, the beach was really nice, but by the time we got there it was kind of chilly.
the next night we went out in pasadena again, bc i dont really think there's anywhere else to go out around here. we were standing at the bar when someone used a pick up line so embarrassing that he immediately fled the scene after saying it. later, he came back to talk. we ended up talking to him and his friends, made fun of them for the pick up line, and made a few more friends in pasadena. the next day my sister and i thought it necessary to introduce broc to chipotle, which i probably eat once a day out here, bc he had never heard of it. then i drove annie to the airport, very sad to say goodbye.

so i'm getting to know some people out here which is cool. honestly the weather is awesome. although, hopefully i'll be traveling abroad soon enough. i found a few people who are into soccer, so i'll try and get a game going tomorrow which should be fun.

i go back to NY on friday for a while. i can not wait. anyone reading this from ny, i hope to see you soon :-)

my sweetest downfall.

2007-06-11T20:35:00.000-07:00

i'm in souther california now. i've been here for about a week. i'm working at world vision headquarters. it's an interesting experience working for a company like world vision - very different than the clients i'm used to being with. firstly it's non-profit, and secondly it's christian based. we had a church service in the middle of the day last wednesday. it may sound strange, and i'm not very religious, but it was actually a really nice thing. everyone there is just extremely nice, and relaxed, and caring - it's a great change of environment.

as my work abroad hasn't kicked in yet - i'm going to indulge in at least one more, more personal post - let my hopeless romantic tendencies seep through this blog just a little bit more. the spot where i'm located right now, happens to be very strangely close to someone who i used to be very very close with. we don't see each other much, anymore. i was going to move out here once, a long time ago. but that was a long time ago. since then, we've stopped talking for a while. needless to say being back here, is difficult. i saw him for the first time tonight. and it was, how it always is, painfully wonderful.

it's sad when something beautiful fades with age. but it's painful when something aged, remains beautiful, and still gets lost along the way. and there's nothing we can really do, except learn to let it go.

inside you, the time moves.

2007-06-03T18:41:00.002-07:00

for my last weekend on the east coast, i went down to Virginia for a good friends wedding. this was the first wedding of any of my friends that i've ever been to. needless to say, it was a bit emotional. in my mind, there were two themes that rang strong throughout the weekend...first, obviously, was love. the second, and less obvious, was loss.

after a busy friday night of seeing friends, packing all my stuff, carrying it down 5 flights of stairs, and going out until 3:30 am, i woke up and drove down to VA at 5:30am. most people didn't understand why i did this, instead of fly. but put simply, i like to drive. i've had a lot on my mind recently. moving out, coming in and out of town, staying out much later than physically healthy, seeing lots of people, and "enjoying" my last few weeks in new york. what i haven't had time to do is soak anything in, reflect, and just think about things. so, i drove. i made a few cds of my favorite emotionally provoking songs, spent 6 hours in my car, sung at the top of my lungs, thought about what's happening in my life right now, and allowed myself the time to feel things - something i realized, i had kind of been procrastinating. it was worth the drive.

the wedding was a mini college reunion. our group of friends in college was not large, but we were like a family. the couple who got married are two of the greatest people i know. everything about the two of them, and the two of them together, is awesome. seeing them in the middle of the park they grew up in, unable to wipe the smiles off their faces as they repeated their vows hand in hand, was a tangible and pure snapshot of true love. i couldn't help but cry for my friends, who a few years ago i was having liquid fights (see 'before' photo below.) and wrestling matches with on the floor of the nasty but amazing college house, 710.

Before: One of our last nights together before graduation.

After: (Most of us) at the wedding...growing up :-/

I cried twice at the wedding. First at the aforementioned vows, and secondly at the reception when they got up for their first dance.The whole reception was watching them slow dance, it was definitely kind of awkward. But seeing them look at each other, unable to stop smiling, making each other laugh with the hint of a look, even with everyone's eyes awkwardly observing them, you could tell, they weren't just in love, they were best friends. it didn't have to be romantic, it didn't have to be perfect. they would wisper, and break out into laughter, and then hold closer, and more laughter. they knew what one another was thinking, they shared the same thought, they got the same joke, and if their eyes were locked, nothing else needed to be said. it's rare to find a connection that strong with someone. to know someone so well, to have a true love, and a best friend.

after the first dance and a few (many) glasses of wine, the rest of us jumped up and joined in. it was so nice to hang out with everyone again. there are only a few people that i can come back to at any point in my life and just feel relief. i see these guys once a year, maybe. but feel more at home with them, then most people i know. i spent all of my time with these guys at a point when i was just figuring out who i wanted to become, developing thoughts and opinions on everything. growing together, you essentially become a part of one another - sharing something that is so core to your self, that it's hard to lose.

i said there were two themes to the weekend. we touched on love, and the second was loss. i can explain the loss part best by relating it to "negative space" (this may sound dorky, but bear with me). so, the surprising and extremely powerful effect on something if a piece of it isn't there, or is left blank. example. you have 99% of an amazing puzzle done. it's beautiful and perfect, except theres one tiny piece missing in the center. your eye will just focus on that empty spot, just that one little piece missing has a huge effect on your impression of the puzzle as a whole.. it just won't 't look right, no matter how nice the puzzle is.

the wedding was perfect, but a center piece was missing. and for all the love and beauty i was lucky enough to witness, there was an equal and opposite sense of sadness, and longing. like i said, it's hard to find a true best friend, but it's equally hard to lose one.

i should sleep. tomorrow i leave for CA. i haven't packed yet. i don't really actually know how to pack for 6 months in africa come to think of it. so, g'night for now...

ps - i promise i will start writing more about travel things, as soon as i start to travel. but for now, i can't help but write about things that run a bit deeper.

in limbo.

2007-05-29T12:25:00.000-07:00

2 nights left in new york. my room is half packed, and half a scattered mess. i'm realizing i probably need some kind of strange vaccinations and medication if i'll be in kenya for 6 months, so am franticly making dr's apointments and other last minute arrangements - very organized, as always. the suspicious spots on my leg from thailand are finally fading, thankfully, so i at least i can now leave my house with shorts on, which is helpful when its 90 degrees out. since i've been back, the past two weeks in ny have been pretty much, nothing but awesome. gorgeous weather, catching up with old friends, late nights on the roof, soccer games outside, bbqs that never really end, and everything else that will make me miss ny even more.

i'm still not exactly sure where i'll end up for the next 6 months. some people (mainly my mom) find this absurd, 'how can you not know??' ' how can they not tell you??'. it actually doesn't really occur to me that this is an odd thing, although i'm realizing now, i guess it probably is. i guess that's what consulting does to you. i don't really expect any kind of certainty, at all really. if there was, it would most likely be false certainty, and i'd be nothing but suspicious. it makes it more exciting...or something. but, from what i can tell, i'll probably be in africa - this could be south africa, but most likely kenya. i may also be in the philippines, or i maybe in both. either way, i'll be in southern california first for a few weeks first, and london for a few days after that, and hopefully, by that point, i will know a bit more.

this is more like a test post, as i haven't really left yet. and the more i write, the more i will ramble on about how much i'm going to miss everyone and everything that is new york. there really is no other city that matches it. but, i've been anxious to try something new for a while, and it's time to explore a bit more, for now.